tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61005456739073173072024-02-06T21:12:06.469-08:00Mighty Fond of YouTanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.comBlogger86125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-86328711802256411122021-03-23T12:07:00.003-07:002021-05-05T12:23:07.539-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtrFGcgtLkUAy6Ee8TME3kiXvAj754KUi20VqlP0VgtM_pqeQ7hMg9jjbalhHmlwAWLHSsXu_JADvYJBJr0EGABpiq1-D8_1-qdiKBsyEUnFmiiWpvM9Cc8m9XCmGRHh74eH5Y55hoYoV/s2048/IMG_6259.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtrFGcgtLkUAy6Ee8TME3kiXvAj754KUi20VqlP0VgtM_pqeQ7hMg9jjbalhHmlwAWLHSsXu_JADvYJBJr0EGABpiq1-D8_1-qdiKBsyEUnFmiiWpvM9Cc8m9XCmGRHh74eH5Y55hoYoV/s320/IMG_6259.HEIC" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>A Thousand Ways </p><p></p><p>“This is not going to be a conversation,” the robot said once the the drum machine heavy hold-music stopped.</p><p>“This is a way to see one another,” she/he/they informed us. “Words are all we have.”</p><p>Four days before the year anniversary of our pandemic lockdown, my husband and I attended a performance of A Thousand Ways, an interactive theater piece created by Abigail Browde and Michael Silverstone, the two-person collective known as 600 Highwaymen. We were dressed not for the theater, but instead, in the soft clothes that have, over the last months, become our uniform. Minutes before show time, we took our cell phones to separate rooms, dialed a number and entered a personal code. </p><p>“This is not going to be a conversation.”</p><p>So what was it? </p><p>Besides the robot, there was only one other person on the line. A man. The robot asked us to choose to be A or B. I chose first, but I chose B. (Later, my husband would say this is typical of me. I often reserve what could be considered the better choice for the other person.) </p><p>The robot began to ask questions. It wanted to know about the objects surrounding us. The man – we’ll now call him <b>A</b>. -- had a rolling chair from Ikea. He had a turtle shaped lamp. He had a painting of a bridge in Vancouver.</p><p>I took in the pile of books on my bed stand, the tangle of laundry on the dresser. There were three pairs of my shoes in three different areas. Walking shoes, running shoes, house slippers. </p><p><b>A</b> was born in 1964. He had no tattoos. He had three siblings. He loved a person named Mark. (When he said the name, I could hear the love.) </p><p>“Some day this will be something we will laugh about,” the robot said. </p><p><b>A</b> answered in the affirmative when asked if he’d ever shot a gun. </p><p>“A BB gun.” </p><p>I was trying to take notes, but I was also trying to participate. I wanted to be all in. This is hard for me even if I’m not actively taking notes. My brain is recording, trying to make connections. The robot was asking me to set that aside. </p><p>“Words are not always enough.”</p><p>The man known only to me as <b>A</b> had a friend named Rex. </p><p>“Where is he?” the Robot wondered.</p><p>“Lying in a bed, trying not to suffer,” <b>A</b> answered. </p><p>He described Rex’s hazel eyes.</p><p>Who had been my support? I could name at least a dozen people with no effort. Where were they now? Princeton, Atwater Village, Sandia Park, Albuquerque, Santa Monica. At a desk, a kitchen table, walking a trail, at a potter’s wheel, in the garden, on the beach. </p><p>“This is your luggage,” the robot said. “This is all the stuff you take with you.”</p><p>I stopped taking notes.</p><p>Could I change a tire? Start a fire? The robot fired off questions.</p><p>Yes. Yes.</p><p>The robot asked us to rest the palms of our hands on our necks. We sat like that. The silence rose up between us. Together, we counted back from ten, alternating numbers. When directed, we traced the length of our forearms. We shifted from one place in the room to another. </p><p>The robot described a road in the desert. We were driving on that road. It was night. Our car broke down and so we decided to walk.</p><p>The stars above us were so bright.</p><p>The robot asked us to imagine the three of us there, together under the stars. And I saw us. In my mind, the robot was small, almost a child. <b>A</b>’s gray hair shone a little in the flicker of our fire. </p><p>As we neared the end of the hour-long conversation, I’d begun to form a picture of <b>A</b> in my mind. I could almost see him leaning against the door of my room, barefooted and dressed in a soft sweater. His hair was a little shaggy. </p><p>After a long year of isolation, I’m practiced in picturing the bodies and faces of loved ones. Perhaps this practice has made my brain nimble enough to conjure a stranger. Perhaps all this missing of the known has increased my love for and acceptance of the unknown. </p><p></p><p>It took only an hour for me to connect with <b>A</b>. It took only an hour for him to tell me he could hear my smile in my voice. </p><div><br /></div>Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-7280826602510489212020-08-22T13:32:00.000-07:002020-08-22T13:32:25.955-07:00<p> <span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">I CANNOT GET OVER JENNIFER HUDSON’S PERFORMANCE</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFOiDox-Yvw0K91GnSBQGK4cGe3iIq-2RBDl4H2bQ8Qgo-8dZOJtf180eqj1AWclu2ed0Zv-AXIhavsAD-rBQv0Bg5gMP4f2HXPdxROLw5FKy8iZ0411xQjKEZARKf8SqKrdubRkLho9by/s259/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFOiDox-Yvw0K91GnSBQGK4cGe3iIq-2RBDl4H2bQ8Qgo-8dZOJtf180eqj1AWclu2ed0Zv-AXIhavsAD-rBQv0Bg5gMP4f2HXPdxROLw5FKy8iZ0411xQjKEZARKf8SqKrdubRkLho9by/s0/download.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">I was unprepared for Jennifer Hudson. The third night of the Democratic National Convention with its nearly two hours of heart-felt speeches and beautifully edited video montages about gun control, climate change, racism, and immigration policies had left my emotional pump primed, but it was the sight of Ms. Hudson, elegant and composed in an apricot-colored gown, that cranked open the faucet. A performer and her accompanists away from the stage seemed to embody everything that is new and strange about our world.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">The vast lobby of the Harold Washington Cultural Center, like the convention itself, was missing the collective heartbeat, the mingling of exclamations and exhortations. The gold trimmed arches, ornate painted ceilings and Tiffany glass dome only emphasized the emptiness of the space, and reminded me how much I love a pre-show theatre crowd. What I wouldn’t give for the mingling of perfumes, the jostling of elbows and shoulders, and the pleasure of eavesdropping in line at the bar. On an ordinary evening, the glamorous lobby would shrink around a mix of theatergoers; the glowing dome would hold the community as they prepared to be transported by art. On an ordinary evening, Hudson would likely spend the time before the show in her dressing room before emerging into the spotlight. The transactional agreement between performer and audience would be clear.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Instead, we saw her from a distance, dwarfed by her surroundings, a tiny figure in a sea of carpet. Though the chandeliers glowed above her, it was possible to see hallways trailing into darkness on both sides of her. The camera circled, orbiting closer and closer, observing her first quiet notes supported by Fred Nelson and Richard Gibbs on twin pianos, and echoed by Reginald Foster’s soprano sax. We bore witness as she used her voice and her body to take control of her surroundings. Perhaps due to a youth spent reading Ray Bradbury; an adulthood inundated by post-apocalyptic cinema, I had the passing thought that these few humans in this vast space might have been the last alive on the planet.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Sam Cooke’s, “A Change is Gonna Come,” is a kind of prayer and every moment of the previous two hours had made it clear that even if you weren’t a church person, now is the time for prayers. The song is also a story. Using Aretha Franklin’s arrangement, Hudson tacked on four lines at the beginning, which shift the telling into a re-telling. Hudson picked up the thread of history and acknowledged her own place in the narrative.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">At the close, Hudson stretched out those last few bars. “It’s been a long time coming,” she sang, looking up, looking out, seeking, seeking answers. She shouted to the sky. Not the ranting of Lear, but the clear and controlled demands of a woman who knows what she has been missing. The power of this plea drove her body forward. She seemed unable to resist the pull to action. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">Turning from the camera, offering her back to us in a position of both vulnerability and strength, Jennifer Hudson was audience and performer. She was play and playwright as she strode through the room, and down the wide staircase. I imagined the marvelous echo of that stairwell, the thrill it might have given her to feel the power of a voice that no longer needed a microphone to be heard.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><o:p> <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/jennifer-hudson-prince-royce-2020-dnc-1047125/">Watch her magnificent performance here</a></o:p></p>Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-2885975412891151612020-05-05T14:32:00.002-07:002020-05-05T14:32:34.892-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlHzHDwXayV8K8U8d1mhvSruJP0HHCpxY5x22flufbRd7OZFJNa8VhWH_M4KTUbYzPRtrBoyHZ3ihUpNFKKbHiw2nwzBj_pC3JfK8s7DLUNpCb11oIsSPy3aKpqzjImzABIlwluEsEQln/s1600/IMG_6773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlHzHDwXayV8K8U8d1mhvSruJP0HHCpxY5x22flufbRd7OZFJNa8VhWH_M4KTUbYzPRtrBoyHZ3ihUpNFKKbHiw2nwzBj_pC3JfK8s7DLUNpCb11oIsSPy3aKpqzjImzABIlwluEsEQln/s320/IMG_6773.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Well into my sixth week of hunkering down, my appreciation for everything and everyone in the outside world has only expanded. I want to write a love letter to staircase handrails, public water fountains, and the the deli department number dispenser. I could throw a parade for popsicle vendors and the counting of coins on an open palm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The longer I stay in, the more my nostalgic bubble widens, encompassing not only chance encounters with friends at the market, but the ability to stand contemplatively in the cereal aisle. I am wistful for the way our bodies once moved through space with ease and unconscious comfort.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I am so aware now of the physical action of being in the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
For instance, inside my house, I rarely wear shoes and so my feet have become sensitive to the texture of wood floors, tile, driveway cement, grass. I can feel the need to grab the broom before my eyes even see the evidence of this need.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I am feeling everything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Some years back, I saw a play called “The Method Gun,” created and performed by RUDE MECHS, the Austin based theater company. It has stayed with me in the way a dream does: images, emotion. On Saturday afternoon, I settled at my desk for a live performance of “The Method Gun,” by the Wesleyan University Theater Department. I’d seen mention of the play on Facebook and, in this time of no-schedule, I made extra effort to mark my calendar. I felt an outsized desperation to be there <i>in the moment</i>, while it was happening.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
At first, it was hard to settle. A little sweaty from a late afternoon neighborhood walk, I guzzled water and rolled my neck. My desk was a jumble of papers that called for shifting and inspection. On screen, other watchers were exchanging greetings on the message board. Though I often eavesdrop on these pre-show conversations from my seat in an actual theater, I wasn’t sure how to respond to the open nature of this exchange. Without the boundaries of convention and physical space, the invitation was equally weighted between listening and participation. In the online chat box, there are no side conversations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
“The Method Gun,” centers around a theater company dedicated to indefinite rehearsal despite the disappearance of their leader and the absence of a performance date.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
In the Wesleyan production, a group of college students under the compassionate and dedicated direction of Katie Pearl, found a way to create something meaningful despite a pandemic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The play is about the value of an ensemble without a leader; it’s about the merit of a piece of work (in this case, “A Streetcar Named Desire,”) without its main characters.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
What (or who) is missing? How can we fill the void?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
These are the questions of my (our) days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
On the home front with my husband and our two teens, we have become our own theater company. We are taking on all the roles. We are stretching in some ways and shrinking in others. My son has been folding laundry. My daughter has learned to cook. We all clean the house, care for the dogs, and take turns playing curator for an ongoing family film festival. Though we find our own corners in the house, our awareness of each other is heightened.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
At my neighborhood Trader Joe’s, spray painted lines separate us in the parking lot as we wait for our disinfected cart. Inside the store, brightly colored directional arrows mark routes throughout the store. Small, squares of blue gaffer’s tape indicate where I should stand at the checkout counter. Signs everywhere ask us to be aware, to keep our distance. It’s still confusing. No one has had enough rehearsal. This new choreography has not yet settled into our muscles.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The actors in The Method Gun started their rehearsals in a theatre. They stood next to each other. In the same room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
In the nine small squares of Zoom, the actors led their audience through “Paperboy into Flower seller.” The paperboy was center square. We were paperboy POV, responding to Blanche, though we didn’t hear her lines. We saw her actions. Her hands. Her mouth. Her gestures, unfurled around the paperboy like flowers as eight pairs of hands reached for a cigarette, (inhalation, exhalation,) reached to touch. Lips moved in for a kiss. The paperboy, his eyes closed. Me, at home, eyes open. The screen went black. This moment of physical intimacy was (is) impossible to witness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
At Zoom meetings, I sit at my quiet desk, while other mothers lean over kitchen counters, their faces bobbing in and out of frame as they tend to their children, chop vegetables or shout direction to unseen others. Dogs and cats often make guest appearances. Once there was a guinea pig. My own daughter sometimes hands me a bowl of noodles or fruit or cereal through the door of my small office and I reach off screen to accept her offering.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Toward the end of the play, everyone started to break down. Someone shouted.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<i>The approach is bullshit. Everything we’ve done is nothing.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Once every few days we feel the same way. This lock down. These guidelines. The careful structure of our days. The way, no matter how much we sweep, the dust and dog hair continues to gather on the floor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
In “The Method Gun,” the company performs Streetcar as <i>a stunning series of near misses</i>. The staged version involved bodies moving around the stage amidst swinging lanterns. I remember sitting in the theater next to my friend. I remember how the rhythm of the scene (the sound of a metronome) began to inhabit my body.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Is my heart beating? Are my lungs taking in air? Did my fingers brush the fingers of the cashier at the market? A door knob. An envelope. A light switch. A stair rail.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My office is just off the kitchen. My husband was beginning dinner preparations. He was talking to me from the stove. His back was to me. He didn’t realize I was crying. I was sitting at my desk watching these young actors on the screen of my computer. The sky outside was glowing with the last of the day’s sun.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<i>The next part of the play is as much for us as it is for you.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<i>Arm around Steve. Arm around Pablo. Run down the rake. High-five Steve. Near miss. Give Steve a hug. Break away. Near miss.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Maybe it was the young faces of the actors, so close to the age of my own children who, over these two months have grown in ways I can see (over an inch in height) and in other ways I can only intuit. Maybe it was the audience member who typed, as Blanche was taken away, about the experience of the first responders. Maybe it was the gesture of hands reaching across the darkness. Maybe I needed a good cry.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We are being asked to contemplate the space taken up by our bodies in the world. We are being asked to think about the relationship of our bodies to other bodies. In these times, what constitutes the kindness of strangers?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I was in my seat for this performance. I was surrounded by theater goers. And I was so grateful to be there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
You can watch The Wesleyan Theatre Department Production of "The Method Gun," <a href="http://here./">here.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-12787673348633809262020-04-09T16:44:00.000-07:002020-04-09T16:44:02.129-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8R75aSvgexye8zgWVdIeG9k8WQJ_-e1xFyoCS8NB-5wyXOfujLTcLqab7pPJvbzjKBfothTyaUsIfoltJt2bYSSO8tyjlze87SY56jW734k9W9hS5paURyZVL2-XMB5GhmSONgdXRXuL0/s1600/IMG_6430.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8R75aSvgexye8zgWVdIeG9k8WQJ_-e1xFyoCS8NB-5wyXOfujLTcLqab7pPJvbzjKBfothTyaUsIfoltJt2bYSSO8tyjlze87SY56jW734k9W9hS5paURyZVL2-XMB5GhmSONgdXRXuL0/s320/IMG_6430.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
It’s a rainy Thursday and I’ve been trying hard to get back to serious work on my Big Project, but I’ve been procrastinating by doing a little bit of work on a dozen tiny projects. I transcribed about five minutes of an interview. I wrote a couple of emails and answered a couple more. I made a list of things I might want to write about when (and if) my brain ever stops floating and flitting like a gnat and starts, instead, to trot again like a good and sturdy horse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Shit. I have been so sad this week. And so angry. And so frustrated. I haven’t wanted to sit down or to stand up. I have a tummy ache and a back ache and a head ache and I feel like I’ve been piped full of cement. Except when I feel like I’m paper thin and drifting away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Two days ago, as I drove down Los Feliz Boulevard, I saw a woman selling masks from a plastic bag. A little while later, over in Pasadena, a man paced between the cars stopped at the light just off Lake. He held up masks in one gloved hand. This morning, I read a newspaper article about a tenth grader who was helping his mother sell masks so that they could make ends meet. Five dollars at a time. And the ends so far apart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’m so fucking fortunate to be in my house, at my desk, trying to come up with something cheerful to say.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Earlier, I wrote a few lines about some things that made me happy this week.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The hot water bottle. The filling of the thing gives me reason to stand alert over the kettle. Constant vigilance is necessary. The water should be hot, but not boiling. When the water is just right, the surface looks a little bit marbled and the kettle breathes deeply, but is nowhere near ready to whistle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Acrylic Paint. Even the old, slightly sticky tubes I found in the craft cabinet. My husband and I took an online painting class taught by an artist in Albuquerque. Together we contemplated some tangerines piled against a gray background. We were given twenty minutes to see the shape of the tangerines. We dipped our brushes in brown paint and drew rough outlines of the fruit. They weren’t round. Some of them turned out to be square. The one at the bottom was dented as if by a heavy thumb.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Bagels. They arrived warm from the bakery, delivered to our doorstep by a dear neighbor. She and I shouted our greetings and gratitude from a distance and then I called my family and we all stood in the kitchen and my husband cut the bagels with a big, serrated knife and we toasted them and slathered them with cream cheese or vegan butter and ate them standing there together without worrying too much about the spill of sesame seeds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I am trying to make some sense of things and it feels impossible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I remember asking my Dad what it meant to have a hole in your arm where all the money goes and he sat down and carefully told me about Vietnam and heroin and addiction. He explained that I was a "little pitcher" and that my big ears were good listening ears. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Among all those lost this week, one soul was John Prine. I saw him play last year at the Ford Amphitheater. I arrived early and sat in the empty space, watching while it slowly filled with people. The sky was dark and the air was cool. I got to talking to the people beside me and we got to talking to the guy in front of us and the people behind us and we laughed together like old friends. That's the kind of warmhearted gathering it was. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I'm really longing to be in the world; to be surrounded by people. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I didn't buy a mask from any of those people selling them on the street, but I did reach out to give some cash to a very elderly man with a cardboard sign, and, when our fingers -- his gloved and mine bare - grazed, I tried hard not to flinch.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-77419695277904368782020-04-05T17:49:00.002-07:002020-04-05T17:56:56.133-07:00Green Chile Cheeseburgers<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
This morning, my mom sent me a photo of some pot holders she was going to turn into masks. I told her I’d sew her a mask and drop it in the mail. She taught me to sew and while I don’t do it enough to be very good at it and it always takes me about fifteen tries before I remember how to thread the thing or how to fill the bobbin or how to adjust stitch length, I can usually make something simple and reasonably tidy. It’s busy work and brain work and I am in sore need of both.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My dad would’ve been 80 years old today. He’s been gone nearly 18 years and we still talk about him and think about him and it’s like he’s here and not here. As is our habit, we are having green chile cheeseburgers for dinner. I thawed some meat and some Beyond meat for the vegan in the family and I defrosted some green chile that I keep in little cubes in the bottom of the freezer.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT0-GWEQQwy9nHgChEH0yy2be_pHWPoSBL14zNu_3_QW4WrGW_sz05wkPd4urojnZOTux9o5cGNN3FjIr5svUZk_YoOfzFNQ2Ts_4-6ffImKf3dhiMXTh_RSwcoa7sxcVqT0sxWGle_sat/s1600/IMG_6440.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT0-GWEQQwy9nHgChEH0yy2be_pHWPoSBL14zNu_3_QW4WrGW_sz05wkPd4urojnZOTux9o5cGNN3FjIr5svUZk_YoOfzFNQ2Ts_4-6ffImKf3dhiMXTh_RSwcoa7sxcVqT0sxWGle_sat/s320/IMG_6440.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Green chile was one of the few items I bought at the grocery store a few weeks ago when I didn’t realize what was really happening. Everyone was filling their carts in slow, polite motion. Everyone looked a little worried, but their eyes held not a strategic gleam nor outright panic. We were all toddlers that day. Curious, clueless, trying to base our actions on the models around us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I didn’t want to be too alarmist so I bought some kale and some spinach and some milk, a small bag of flour and, at the last minute, and just because I happened to see them, three cans of Hatch chile. Now I long for that day. When I could have casually added baking soda and wheat flour and strawberry jam. I might have looked for tinfoil or rubber gloves and things to make Easter baskets for the kids.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9yJIVfpZkcRD1hse59U4FQWokkPRoInEPZ8iYx31Qu_nx0vRlZhK6K1_drq58QpVYs3d7J5TPMLZRUuCv4aXptPa6e2Qru1z2uaxwHJhuKAbIb49UuTJoM0zBKWR0cMhzz8A7lMgt5rx0/s1600/IMG_6435.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9yJIVfpZkcRD1hse59U4FQWokkPRoInEPZ8iYx31Qu_nx0vRlZhK6K1_drq58QpVYs3d7J5TPMLZRUuCv4aXptPa6e2Qru1z2uaxwHJhuKAbIb49UuTJoM0zBKWR0cMhzz8A7lMgt5rx0/s320/IMG_6435.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We’re living in a paved paradise now. Every day thinking about what we had and what is gone. Trying to make do and get through.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I sewed four masks today – three for a friend of mine and her dear daughter, and one extra for my own dear daughter who is keeping sane by walking up and down our block or sitting on a beach towel in the drive way. Today she made some tomato soup from a recipe she found on TikTok. She made a date shake. She took some selfies and tied her long, thick hair in a knot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My son is waging a D&D campaign with his friends on the computer. Later, he plans to watch a movie with a bunch of other people on the computer. He lives in his pajamas. He eats toast and gives me bear hugs and leaves his cereal bowls in stacks on his desk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Eighteen years ago, my dad was alive and my son was floating in my womb and I felt as out of control and as in control as I’ll ever be. Change was rattling the windows and shaking the walls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My husband mentioned how <i>present </i>my Dad still feels. “The kids know him,” he said. “He’s like… around.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I think he’s around because we ask him to be around. We conjure him with stories and with devotion to the objects he’s made. We delight in the things that he found delightful. In Albuquerque, my brother threw some burgers on the grill for lunch. Up in the mountains, my stepmother and her neighbors have gathered as close as they can to do the same. In Morocco, our friend Autumn is eating a green chile burger. Dad is nowhere and everywhere.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Dad was the king of keeping himself amused. There was not a restaurant placemat that didn’t turn into a sketchpad, not a stick of wood that couldn’t become a face or an animal or a mermaid with outstretched arms. He turned the newspaper into magical, growing eucalyptus trees and refrigerator leftovers into both dinner (Smosnane Moosenose – a favorite with Klondike Prospectors) and fodder for bedtime stories.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Tonight, green chile cheeseburgers, Bob Dylan on the stereo, beer in a glass. A toast to my Dad and a toast to all of us, keeping on, holding the talismans, creating the rituals, telling the stories.<o:p></o:p></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-47555988759843005382020-04-03T15:55:00.001-07:002020-04-03T15:55:08.768-07:00Postcard Roadtrip<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’ve been looking at the news approximately every four seconds, but sometimes I just look at it. I feel my eyes grow big as beach balls and let them kind of bounce softly against the words, but not really stay in one place.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Isn’t it incredible to think about a beach ball traveling through a stadium or concert venue? Doesn’t it feel a little bit like a poem when you imagine those fingers reaching up to give that bright orb a gentle nudge? I could honestly cry for the beauty of a cheap, plastic inflatable and the willingness of strangers to work together, finger print by finger print to move the thing through the air.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I am missing so many things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I was walking through the neighborhood past all the shuttered businesses. I was reading all the handwritten notes tacked to darkened doors and shuttered windows. Everywhere was a reminder of something I’d forgotten to miss: the shared bowl of wrapped candy on the counter at the Vietnamese restaurant, the public telephone, the slightly sunken wing back chairs in the bar at the Tam O’Shanter restaurant. I miss using my hand to summon a walk signal.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkcgxceg_cfZYxkqMpOd1X0da890h5wugLMCZ_omnm2CM7KnM3pwp_R7cfyBTt5Zm9c6j3ufEmfWC8ahy1mb6BegsBV-tGs4gY26mE-T0i7Tvj1y6D0TEo2yXKaJHthS2seNDDNZJHwpLk/s1600/IMG_6419.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkcgxceg_cfZYxkqMpOd1X0da890h5wugLMCZ_omnm2CM7KnM3pwp_R7cfyBTt5Zm9c6j3ufEmfWC8ahy1mb6BegsBV-tGs4gY26mE-T0i7Tvj1y6D0TEo2yXKaJHthS2seNDDNZJHwpLk/s320/IMG_6419.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Stuck inside my house and wondering about the world, I came across a stack of old postcards. They’d been part of a bulk box I’d ordered on eBay. I’d sent all the innocuous kittens and flowers and landscapes, along with notes of encouragement, to voters in my own state and in many other states across the country. But it felt odd to send vintage hotel and motel photos. It didn’t feel right to send aerial shots of beaches and golf courses or muddy photos of unfamiliar landmarks. I’d kept the postcards anyway. In case.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJq9-OrX4mV4zAGUZXJXO11dGHxyACk71tzWzUjBwy3VRisCNFXYtpMlv5UwwMyPmdfvfROnqqDniC-K8LuxO-WVS4DcE2y6hVKJttrSKtJ0fbZ6qGx94GMcG2cd28QfmU1xaiPUt51EN/s1600/IMG_6425.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJq9-OrX4mV4zAGUZXJXO11dGHxyACk71tzWzUjBwy3VRisCNFXYtpMlv5UwwMyPmdfvfROnqqDniC-K8LuxO-WVS4DcE2y6hVKJttrSKtJ0fbZ6qGx94GMcG2cd28QfmU1xaiPUt51EN/s320/IMG_6425.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Today, these postcards provided an activity and a destination. I picked a few, turned them over and wrote the first thing that came to mind. And then I mailed them.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtQA1vyCnMe2t17qMTlCUKhbTiCbIk-n0RJyLxNwhZdIc89TzzNZqUudy10m74ANKkVum_39SzTE5jUo7kUWHDcYJWZ3SKeqTqngebyGN8ggtOkO5DJWcsrIbxjpXs5OA4Jwb2JknqjAmm/s1600/IMG_6428.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtQA1vyCnMe2t17qMTlCUKhbTiCbIk-n0RJyLxNwhZdIc89TzzNZqUudy10m74ANKkVum_39SzTE5jUo7kUWHDcYJWZ3SKeqTqngebyGN8ggtOkO5DJWcsrIbxjpXs5OA4Jwb2JknqjAmm/s320/IMG_6428.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
If I am to believe the blurb on the reverse of this one, The Marott (aka Queen of Indiana Hotels) boasts 500 luxurious guest rooms and two suites. Three Dining Rooms. Two Cocktail Lounges. There is banquet seating enough for 500 guests.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I want to bounce on the beds in each room. I want to check my lipstick in a wide mirrored vanity and twist the cap off a tiny bottle of shampoo. I want to hold the soft rectangle of wrapped miniature soap in the palm of my hand and inhale the chalky floral scent. In the cocktail lounge at The Marott (Queen of Indiana Hotels,) I will slide into a leather banquette, rest my elbows on the table and look up at the waiter as he deals out cardboard coasters like cards. Order a Roy Rogers, a Shirley Temple, a Jack and Ginger in a bucket. Get whatever you want. It’s on me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Oh, won’t you join me, when this is all over, for a banquet at The Marott? Or for brunch at Lehr’s Greenhouse? Or perhaps we could pick up a hammer and join in the barn raising.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH3kUEeM7YwbToMfF10XxyIgn9NeIWcR9GQEYKD6VpatBUJbEn_WRRPjWDHlX-XzUBbf1_fIXiE6k5lA8srPPx-ieDMVelMxVYuoFp5M3kCr4XUh_rVekHrOn1LX35YUUByDLyJCY2kAgH/s1600/IMG_6416.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH3kUEeM7YwbToMfF10XxyIgn9NeIWcR9GQEYKD6VpatBUJbEn_WRRPjWDHlX-XzUBbf1_fIXiE6k5lA8srPPx-ieDMVelMxVYuoFp5M3kCr4XUh_rVekHrOn1LX35YUUByDLyJCY2kAgH/s320/IMG_6416.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p>Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-30977804520330896102020-03-29T10:41:00.000-07:002020-03-29T10:41:09.347-07:00I know what I know.<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Last night, while I was making dinner, I used a salad spinner that I bought at the 99Cent Store in Silver Lake back in 1992.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9vXGIei5XS9mFf4_f4TL83T7PW82Loxtl4nK5YKb1COmQtgCi4pURhf8Vlrz5jWkvWyG1HfSNNKhX8GvHzoCilHKYvfkna_T0-Vo3ZIYDDkFm5mTKRBNWRxuK8HeY26hc84PQKY0QTeQE/s1600/IMG_6386.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9vXGIei5XS9mFf4_f4TL83T7PW82Loxtl4nK5YKb1COmQtgCi4pURhf8Vlrz5jWkvWyG1HfSNNKhX8GvHzoCilHKYvfkna_T0-Vo3ZIYDDkFm5mTKRBNWRxuK8HeY26hc84PQKY0QTeQE/s320/IMG_6386.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
While I was making the salad, we were listen to Paul Simon’s <i>Graceland</i>. The album had been mentioned in an LA Times article featuring albums to listen to during this time of hunkering down. My husband is trying to find some structure. Reading the newspaper and taking part in all the offerings of communal engagement is one way to do that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<i>Graceland</i> makes me think of my freshman year of college when a dear friend sent me the cassette and I listened to it approximately one million times. When I listened to Paul Simon’s sweet voice last night, I marveled at his magnificent metaphors and wept a little as I stirred the risotto. My own son will be a college freshman in the fall. How is this possible?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
It is possible because time passes and that is one thing we know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’ve been keeping track of the things I know and using them as anchors or stepping stones. Or maybe a better metaphor is the planks in a swaying, decrepit suspension bridge. I’m not looking down at the chasm. I’m keeping my eyes up and I’m putting my feet down on the the known when I can.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Here’s what I know right now: last night, my son did the supper dishes while Prince sang “Let’s go Crazy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Yes. Let’s. (But just a little.) Because here’s what I also know: there is milk and cereal for breakfast. There is bread and butter for toast. My dog is out of his skin with joy when I pull the leash from the closet even if a few moments later, he’s dragging his feet on the trail. He’s willing and reluctant and so am I in so many ways.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I know my boy will go to college. One of these as yet unvisited, untested places will be a vessel to hold my kid, a petri dish of experimentation and growth and magical transformation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
And if it’s not. Perhaps, later, when he leaves the dorm and strikes out on his own and he moves into a place that seems a little run down, but the landlord says it’s okay to paint the wood floor and it’s okay to have a cat and it’s okay to leave the windows open all night, then this is where he’ll start to grow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Or, maybe, (and this is where I get all hopeful,) he’s growing now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My daughter has used this time to transform her bedroom from the space of a kid to the space of a young woman. (She will be so grossed out by that sentence when/if she reads it and that’s okay with me.) She’s painted white over the pale blue of six years ago, and, yesterday, I helped cram a menagerie of stuffed animals into an oversized, black plastic bag. Though I have a strange aversion to plush, and have been trying (with little success) for years to limit the collection of stuffed animals, it was hard to press the flat of my hand over these cheery familiar faces. I looked away from their bright plastic eyes and let this collection of childhood friends become one cumbersome body that we lugged down the stairs and crammed into a bin in the garage. I sat on the bin to get the lid to close.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I saved two old friends. A squirrel named Squirrel and a bedraggled tarsier named Little Freak. Liberated from the anonymity of the pre-school toy box, Squirrel lived a flamboyant life in my daughter’s company. His companion, Little Freak was given numerous hairstyles and was loved into a grubby, matted nub. Did I save them because they were the most eccentric of the animals? Because their diminutive stature reminds me that my towering daughter once had the smallest of hands? Was it the curious light in Squirrel’s button eyes or the windblown ear-hair of Little Freak?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I can’t know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkT-1iA0I2j7aZM7Ss24CeRJ4TlDpOaGmQZocWoU786RFN0sj-iKD-y1o1E7rIGhJ-SzdqGh8BCnuDs_-88428meDkQZjmX8QMStzUrWyFYqHJMM5CF31jC-PUF94ZiNusn4RrzaYC6LEy/s1600/IMG_6383.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkT-1iA0I2j7aZM7Ss24CeRJ4TlDpOaGmQZocWoU786RFN0sj-iKD-y1o1E7rIGhJ-SzdqGh8BCnuDs_-88428meDkQZjmX8QMStzUrWyFYqHJMM5CF31jC-PUF94ZiNusn4RrzaYC6LEy/s320/IMG_6383.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-68189954648706455012020-03-24T15:54:00.003-07:002020-03-24T15:54:58.518-07:00Washing hands<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Q-hDYus0y6v_s9tghK_VcUt2LNwMqGB_QiDJ2T7aLCSYiSqINchW2aR6tG3ULVKns8p1AOojQjXXXoI2mx8h3YU515FW2kOlwITp0cot8MGlDC52XS4rrMJRJUca0NoxEIRaTdE10Sx2/s1600/IMG_6358.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Q-hDYus0y6v_s9tghK_VcUt2LNwMqGB_QiDJ2T7aLCSYiSqINchW2aR6tG3ULVKns8p1AOojQjXXXoI2mx8h3YU515FW2kOlwITp0cot8MGlDC52XS4rrMJRJUca0NoxEIRaTdE10Sx2/s320/IMG_6358.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
"I've never in my life read so many articles about hand washing," my husband says.<br />
<br />
He's already reminded me to watch my pace. And I've reminded him to get the spots under his wedding band.<br />
<br />
"Ah," he says, "Another peril of marriage."<br />
<br />
He bumps my hip with his.<br />
<br />
Our soap smalls like basil or maybe parsley or cranberry or jasmine or lavender. In every room, in a dish, or pumped from a bottle, the manufactured smells of out of doors.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
In the actual out of doors, nature cranks up Spring.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQx9dXxml36Cdhj6Q_4mNnmSVQM7NcLTurYE-AKe8pZ9Dfw9hBphsvoRLXiNERg_wFQblCSopxBttW17hmbSJr3iQtk9KAjLMMTFSAsGsclKI16GnnIOCc3muIR1Kr9Z17cTdJ5a6fuqH/s1600/IMG_6262.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQx9dXxml36Cdhj6Q_4mNnmSVQM7NcLTurYE-AKe8pZ9Dfw9hBphsvoRLXiNERg_wFQblCSopxBttW17hmbSJr3iQtk9KAjLMMTFSAsGsclKI16GnnIOCc3muIR1Kr9Z17cTdJ5a6fuqH/s320/IMG_6262.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
Mock orange, eucalyptus, mown grass and, last night, like a breath blown all the way from my 1970s childhood: fluid and hamburgers and cigarette smoke.<br />
These communal smells conjured forbidden gestures.<br />
Licked fingers.<br />
The sharing of lit tobacco from lip to lip.<br />
Unwashed hands brushing.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoE5pu-mW3oR68bCDN266Y3DLynovdkiDu2p2_hSiYRxf9p4cyPSxtG7TWeO4u40xWsegrn7pALQWZ2Po1DirpwXMgpmEuL1YDzPmszqowUjVAgZ4YKuFYTqcwon8jDH6xY6qGMezgUeBO/s1600/IMG_6275.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoE5pu-mW3oR68bCDN266Y3DLynovdkiDu2p2_hSiYRxf9p4cyPSxtG7TWeO4u40xWsegrn7pALQWZ2Po1DirpwXMgpmEuL1YDzPmszqowUjVAgZ4YKuFYTqcwon8jDH6xY6qGMezgUeBO/s320/IMG_6275.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-49051585539172559062020-03-23T15:00:00.003-07:002020-03-23T15:00:20.419-07:00All we can do.<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
A few days ago, I thought, <i>hey, I’m going to start blogging again</i>. And I did. One time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
But there are <i>so many hours</i> in the day, you say. And to that I say <i>yes</i>. I’ve been filling these hours with walking and writing and cooking and reading and sitting on the sofa and watching television. I’ve given up asking the dogs not to sit on the sofa and they are so happy. I’ve done a bunch of laundry and wiped down all high-touch surfaces. I am doing these things and, I imagine, you are doing these things, too. And for all of us, the days have stretched and merged.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrLMQWtLBhHlLA9UWhS8-dzXJiGzX9kDACEDyZlyNfbUTvTYF9hN38W3s9LZS7jmarXKGO5kUoBHjmVd2EsL5jk7I9KSIFQLxhwGxXwKky2iL6Q2tABNjdfdhteuvFCkjOdMaO1S9Ggsf/s1600/IMG_6263.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrLMQWtLBhHlLA9UWhS8-dzXJiGzX9kDACEDyZlyNfbUTvTYF9hN38W3s9LZS7jmarXKGO5kUoBHjmVd2EsL5jk7I9KSIFQLxhwGxXwKky2iL6Q2tABNjdfdhteuvFCkjOdMaO1S9Ggsf/s320/IMG_6263.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Yesterday morning, I was sitting on my sofa with the morning papers (2 on Sunday) and I was also checking my phone every five seconds and I posted a picture of my first walk of the day and also a beautiful poem by the amazing and necessary Jane Hirshfield, whose new book, “Ledger,” has just come out. You can read a review of the book <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/3/21/21173809/book-review-poetry-poems-jane-hirshfield-ledger" style="color: #954f72;">here</a>. You can read the gorgeous poem itself, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/19/magazine/poem-mountainal.html" style="color: #954f72;">here</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjceCIu7iQsLTblYjEAs_oFEp4-3biDLewljuLVVv3s7aaErp5T6ldsJrvsfkoU3FFX5Qcj__FTLU8HqKQlvCoUmcgE7XHioUqoK3Z8U_MFrhrz5h3feMD0FL3PNFXPahB1wqqi-h3wFHnt/s1600/IMG_6257.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjceCIu7iQsLTblYjEAs_oFEp4-3biDLewljuLVVv3s7aaErp5T6ldsJrvsfkoU3FFX5Qcj__FTLU8HqKQlvCoUmcgE7XHioUqoK3Z8U_MFrhrz5h3feMD0FL3PNFXPahB1wqqi-h3wFHnt/s320/IMG_6257.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
When I posed the question “What going on for you?” people answered with descriptions of meal preparation and toddler meditation. I read about virtual baby showers and the pulling of weeds. Friends spent their day working on getting out the vote and thinking of things to do with an excess of Swiss chard. Songs were being sung, television was being watched, books were being read.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia-sqdi4siTfg_gCIpOrMDcuCmn45tnmUpykFPU8FcseEtdpLOIOUwo8kUUzlrwg70nkDrmoPJKcY8ck4ZD1hNQ0Tr6egl1YHOj25vep-Np0G9Fmrfnk0hqEHxGkL_bhv7I99Z1tpemuKH/s1600/IMG_6271.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia-sqdi4siTfg_gCIpOrMDcuCmn45tnmUpykFPU8FcseEtdpLOIOUwo8kUUzlrwg70nkDrmoPJKcY8ck4ZD1hNQ0Tr6egl1YHOj25vep-Np0G9Fmrfnk0hqEHxGkL_bhv7I99Z1tpemuKH/s320/IMG_6271.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My husband has nearly finished the second of two 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles. My daughter learned the moves to a new tik-tok dance. My son has built a cathedral in MineCraft. I have baked a vegan bread pudding that delighted even my most carnivorous family member.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We are all doing so much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We are doing all we can do to get through this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbGcItiBQg82lMsPu4aVHl54KDVe_xLlciO_9GNFcAXCSUoHn9n1TImn37EJuYp0g4KVRtDpSTkxLWsyyaKJ9zaoLAQL1S0he9U_ZAoalnE6B1pnTvHf4amz4qgttURv-hDFgrFViaLwwa/s1600/IMG_6336.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbGcItiBQg82lMsPu4aVHl54KDVe_xLlciO_9GNFcAXCSUoHn9n1TImn37EJuYp0g4KVRtDpSTkxLWsyyaKJ9zaoLAQL1S0he9U_ZAoalnE6B1pnTvHf4amz4qgttURv-hDFgrFViaLwwa/s320/IMG_6336.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-79616080622849937492020-03-17T15:25:00.000-07:002020-03-17T15:25:16.603-07:00Thoughts of HOME <div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The last time I went to a theater, COVID-19 was in the news, but at this point, (just under two weeks ago,) it was still possible to step out of a cool evening into the warmth of a crowded and well lit lobby and not feel overwhelmed by thoughts of the virus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We saw Geoff Sobelle’s “Home,” a performance that nearly defies description. Prior to attending an event, my husband will sometimes ask, “Is it a play? Or a piece?” He needs to know what he’s getting into. He needs time to prepare. “Home” was a little of both.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We sat together in the dark and watched the magic unfold. A door opened. A wall was built. A bed appeared. It’s hard to describe this show without ruining it. I don’t want to ruin it because it feels like an expression of faith to imagine that you might, one day, buy a ticket and take your seat amidst friends and strangers in a quiet space. It is an optimistic assumption that you will have a chance to see this show and experience it for yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
As a high school student, I considered the theater my home. That space was so critical to my identity that, even with the burden of three decades on my shoulders, I could still sit at a table with my eyes closed and draw for you a map of the Performing Arts Center at Manzano High School in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I imagine my pen travelling from the last row in the house to the tiny dressing rooms just off stage right. The front of the stage was high enough to encourage sitting with dangled legs. The curtains were heavy and velvet. The scuffed sound tiles around the house phone, just off stage left, where I leaned my shoulder and pressed the receiver into my ear, is where I heard my stepmother read aloud the words of my college acceptance letter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Geoff Sobelle asked us to consider the definition of home. He asks us to imagine the life of a house. What happened before you lived in your house? What will happen after? He showed us the daily rituals that, year after year, create a union of continuity among the residents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The virus asks me to stay in my house. At home, we practice rituals of social distancing, while continuing to perform the rituals of ordinary life. The rest of the world is distant, but sometimes it feels that we are on top of each other. Every day my husband and our two teens create our own performance. We make schedules, prepare food. We try to work and study. We walk the empty streets of the neighborhood or we run on the treadmill in our garage. At meals, we laugh a lot. We sit at the table together for longer than we have in some time. We let ourselves be held by the order of placemats and forks and knives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My son is waiting to hear from colleges. The end of his senior year of high school is being held on line. A few days ago, he showed me the Minecraft model he was building of the sanctuary where his graduation would be held. “The CDC is limiting gatherings,” he said. “Just in case we need to go virtual…” He showed me the rows of empty seats, and the arches and doorways. He walked me through the space and I marveled at the way the light streamed through the stained glass. “I wanted to put the sun where the light would stream right through the big windows,” he told me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
There was a graduation in Geoff Sobelle’s “Home.” A member of the audience played the role in cap and gown. Other audience members were given a bridal veil, a baby, a funeral. The rituals of our lives take place when and where they can. They bloom out from our homes like scarves pulled from a magician’s sleeve and then, in times like this (have we ever had times like this?), fold back into the most familiar of places.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Today I took a pencil and wrote on a piece of paper: Breakfast. Walk. Be creative. Lunch. More work. Read. Prepare dinner. Rest.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<a href="http://www.geoffsobelle.com/">Learn more about Geoff Sobelle and Home.</a></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-44314941878443099742017-11-27T10:34:00.000-08:002017-12-10T07:14:09.796-08:00<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNCkP85Cv4ck3bdgF7gCttxdxQJTL4iIbNmn5pB6s0Ixt84qWafFt56DarwTcZuNwDxmUDfJc2y-02M8G0LlQrhjnXCcif-zSL-X70BVIOTcMRMw5ZqMQPCMDOO0ISBABfW1d2wZh32RqY/s1600/Ross+and+Tanya+in+Los+Angeles%252C+October+1999.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="1600" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNCkP85Cv4ck3bdgF7gCttxdxQJTL4iIbNmn5pB6s0Ixt84qWafFt56DarwTcZuNwDxmUDfJc2y-02M8G0LlQrhjnXCcif-zSL-X70BVIOTcMRMw5ZqMQPCMDOO0ISBABfW1d2wZh32RqY/s320/Ross+and+Tanya+in+Los+Angeles%252C+October+1999.tiff" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
My Dad used to bestow what he called, “Tinkertown Grants.” These small infusions of cash -- a twenty or a fifty accompanied with a scrawled note, “A little help from yer old Pop”— bought practical things like college text books, groceries or a tank of gas, but also sometimes provided for a good bag of coffee beans or a coveted sweater. Tinkertown Grants weren’t reserved for family only. Dad sent cash to buy cement after Grandma Prisbrey’s Bottle Village was nearly destroyed by the 1994 Northridge Quake. He bought a new tire for a friend or discreetly tucked a crumple of green in the hand of a bartender, a babysitter or a local kid who wanted to buy art supplies. Dad wasn’t a wealthy guy, but he had a generous soul. “That’s all we can do,” he said to me once, “just help each other out now and then.”<br />
<br />
In the fifteen years since Dad’s death, I’ve tried to follow in his footsteps. I regularly donate to big organizations because I want to change policies and take on the big bad, but I am gratified when I can make an impact on a person to person level. A ball. A coat. A pie. These things make a difference, too.<br />
<br />
Around this time of year, we are all looking for ways to “do some good.” Cash is good. Organizations know how to use the cash to get exactly what they need. I’ve been collecting a list of people and places that could use a little direct help. Some are Los Angeles based and others are helping across the country. Check out the list and, perhaps send a little grant of your own.<br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Help out the kids at Thomas Edison Middle School. Of 1200 student, 96% are on the free lunch program. Estephania Vazquez is the Community School Coordinator for the Los Angeles Education Partnership. Espephania is looking for folks to contribute to a College Career Club fund. Cash will go towards raffle prizes and other incentives to help kids get involved in talking about their futures. Estephania Vazquez at <a href="mailto:evazquez@laep.org">evazquez@laep.org</a>. You can arrange to mail a check or send cash via PayPal.<br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Check out the Los Angeles Education Partnership if you’d like to hear about other volunteer opportunities. /<a href="http://www.laep.org/donate/your-time/">http://www.laep.org/donate/your-time/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>CollegePath LA is a community organization of volunteers who help public high school students explore careers, apply to college and thrive once they get there. The organization is currently developing a model project at John Marshall High School, an urban school in the Los Angeles Unified School District. I’ve volunteered in their college essay workshops for years and have seen first hand the good work of this organization. <a href="http://www.collegepathla.org/donate.html">http://www.collegepathla.org/donate.html</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Enrich LA has built over 115 edible gardens in Los Angeles schools in just a few years and their weekly Garden Ranger Program, provides students with interactive and interdisciplinary garden lessons.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><a href="http://enrichla.org/givingtuesdayandeveryday/#membershiplevels">http://enrichla.org/givingtuesdayandeveryday/#membershiplevels</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>One Voice provides food baskets, toys and books to 2500 families living in poverty (over 12,500 people.) They also help prepare low income students for college admissions by providing support and help with scholarship and enrollment applications. Their family assistance program provides immediate intervention and relief services to low income families in crisis situations and their Once Voice Summer Camp provides low income youth with a week away. You can watch their new video here and check out Onevoice <a href="http://www.onevoice-la.org/">http://www.onevoice-la.org </a>for volunteer and giving opportunities. Right now they are looking for lots of FOOD for the big holiday party! Buy a case of pie or a box of yams! If you buy all the yams or all the pie, they’ll celebrate you with a banner! Check out the list here: https://www.onevoice-la.org/holiday-dinner/<a href="https://onevoice-la.org/holiday-dinner/">https://onevoice-la.org/holiday-dinner/</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Doris Cares is a 501(c), volunteer-based organization, dedicated to feeding the hungry. Doris Presley and Jerry Chan can claim close to 40 years experience, between them, in feeding the hungry. What drives both of them is the inability to stand around doing nothing while good food’s being wasted. For inquiries regarding Food Pick-ups, Food Deliveries or Volunteer opportunities: Jerry Chan: (310) 351-4769 Doris Presley: (310) 672-9961 find out more information at <a href="http://doriscares.org/">http://doriscares.org/</a><br />
<br />
Friends in Deed is an interfaith Pasadena organization that provides supportive services to meet basic human needs, so our homeless and at-risk neighbors can rebuild their lives. <a href="http://friendsindeedpas.org/fid/volunteer-at-friends-in-deed/">http://friendsindeedpas.org/fid/volunteer-at-friends-in-deed/</a><br />
<br />
Aceess Books provides books to inner-city schools where at least 90 percent of students live at or below the poverty line. Most students at the schools served are children of color and children of immigrants. Since 1999, Access Books has donated more than a million books, and each year, approximately 18,000 pre-kindergarten through middle school-aged children participate in the program.<a href="http://www.accessbooks.net/"> http://www.accessbooks.net/</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Donors Choose links you with teachers all over the country who have specific classroom needs. I like to go through and see who’s just about to reach their goal. Handing over that last ten or twenty bucks needed to “close the deal,” feels especially good. <a href="https://www.donorschoose.org/">https://www.donorschoose.org/</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Patreon helps fund artists and writers and creators of all kinds. I found the poet, Faith Shearin, “church of art” The Secret City, “Wait But Why,” the blog of everything… So many ideas and bursts of enthusiasm! <a href="https://www.patreon.com/">https://www.patreon.com/</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Big Sunday is a great place to look if you’ve got a hand to lend, or a yen to donate to a good cause. This super cool organization posts over 2000 giving opportunities every year. You can sign up to do pro-bono work, give away your old refrigerator, work to clean up neighborhoods, feed the hungry, collect food or connect with your fellow do-gooders. <a href="http://bigsunday.org/">http://bigsunday.org/</a><br />
<br />
•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Shoes that Fit began in Claremont and has turned into a national organization. They work to provide children with new athletic shoes by partnering with schools across the country. <a href="http://www.shoesthatfit.org/you-can-help/">http://www.shoesthatfit.org/you-can-help/</a><br />
<br />Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-51409295139088610192017-10-16T09:06:00.000-07:002017-10-16T09:06:32.160-07:00In The Hole<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Back
in the nineties, when I was in my early twenties, I moved to Los Angeles to try
to become a writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through a friend of
a family friend, I met my first connection, a “real Hollywood writer.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That he was giving up the business and moving
to New Mexico to practice real estate didn’t really register on the green slate
of my young mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His study was piled
with scripts and he threw around names of directors and actors the way I talked
about my close family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gifted me with
a ragged copy of William Goldman’s “Adventures in the Screen Trade,” and placed
a call to a lawyer friend who was still in the business. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“He’s
your ‘in,’” my departing benefactor claimed, “He’s not exactly producing, but
he’s got aspirations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s the real hub
of the wheel over there.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
wound up working as an assistant to the “hub.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He had an office in a production company, but aside from drawing up the
occasional contract, he mostly took on tax work and personal injury cases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years and about a million hours of
paralegal work later,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the “hub” actually
turned out to be my “in” when he introduced me to his friend The Producer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
I went to work on the Producer’s pilot, I felt sure things were looking
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had gotten off to a rocky start
here in Hollywood, but now I was working at an actual television studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw vaguely famous people practically every
day. I knew the phone extension of the Tonight Show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Producer liked me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He claimed to like my writing. It would only
be a matter of time, I thought, before I was writing my own show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Five
years and six shows later, I was working for another Producer, the most recent
in a long line of older men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
beginning to see a pattern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They all had
petite blonde wives and a dark sense of humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I answered their phones and organized their files.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I set up meetings and occasionally picked up
their dry cleaning or took their convertibles to the carwash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They thought I was neat and fun to have
around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They sometimes told me I was
beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They always told me I was
smart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Too smart to work in
television,” they’d say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went with
them to pick out carpet, cars and anniversary presents and sat next to them in
the darkened rows of empty movie theatres. I described my job as “a great date
without any sex.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One
of these guys called me “Babe” and once reached his hand up under my dress
without touching my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember
standing very still and watching the shadowy form of his hand and forearm
travel from just above my knee up to my waist and back down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked pleased as though he were a lion
tamer removing his head from the mouth of the beast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Another
used to stand behind my desk chair and watch me type.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d put his hands on either side of my
keyboard and lean so far into me, I was afraid my hair would get stuck on the
buttons of his shirt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
bought whiskey at three a.m. for a white haired writer who called me “Kitten”
and another time, set up an expensive air purifier so that a couple of
co-producers could get high in their office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> When a</span> show-runner asked me to repeat for the writers’ room “that little
thing we did on the table earlier,”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
asked if he "wanted me backwards this time." I got a big laugh.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> It was all fun, right?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">Right?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
figured I was paying my dues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought
that by listening to all this nonsense and putting up with a fair amount of
inappropriate behavior I was making a trade for a job as a writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote a couple of freelance scripts, but no
matter how many times I asked, I was never given a staff job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may have been “too smart to work in
television” but it took a long time for my brain to realize that these guys were not my
“in.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were only in it for
themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
knew that achieving success as a writer was part hard work, part dumb
luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, whenever I wrote another
spec script, I imagined that I was sitting in a deep hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The chances were slim that someone would fall
into this hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even slimmer that that
he would be my industry “in” and that he would be carrying a flashlight so he
could read my script.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If all went well,
he would climb out of the hole and get me a paycheck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
a way, I’m still in the hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still
writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve learned one
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the guy with the flashlight
calls you “Kitten,” you’re better off digging yourself out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
<o:PixelsPerInch>96</o:PixelsPerInch>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="380">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
mso-layout-grid-align:none;
punctuation-wrap:simple;
text-autospace:none;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-unhide:no;
color:blue;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
color:#954F72;
mso-themecolor:followedhyperlink;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-size:10.0pt;
mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
-->
</style>
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-2876054968279287912017-10-06T11:12:00.000-07:002017-10-06T11:12:44.910-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL6-wkhDchl0dr8SH6zPguPvJU8faUGVK1bDFRW0Gwo8xUWdigq9ILCfuPN8pv_KhSGbIYy1vwb1um5X3D6lTytT1YoHxGUq-zd4ZZvA29HTfc0OFVaO7TfsiyNC9Irghf-0Odj5CWZq_3/s1600/christmas+morning.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1151" data-original-width="1600" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL6-wkhDchl0dr8SH6zPguPvJU8faUGVK1bDFRW0Gwo8xUWdigq9ILCfuPN8pv_KhSGbIYy1vwb1um5X3D6lTytT1YoHxGUq-zd4ZZvA29HTfc0OFVaO7TfsiyNC9Irghf-0Odj5CWZq_3/s320/christmas+morning.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
The wallpaper was pink and blue and covered with a pattern of dolls. There were big dolls and little dolls, baby dolls and girl dolls. Some of them wore bonnets, others wore sunhats. They all stared out with their big, doll eyes. Looking, looking.<br />
<br />
I don't think the sample page in the fat booklet at Sherwin-Williams in Albuquerque, New Mexico, did justice to the creepy nature of these staring dolls. It was impossible to understand from this small section the impact of so many dolls gathered together in repeating clusters on a bedroom wall.<br />
<br />
My bedroom wall.<br />
<br />
The wall next to my bed.<br />
<br />
The bed where, in the night, I read books about witches and trained a frantic flashlight on the darkest corners of the room.Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11697955139501442534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-64248370717386064782016-11-07T14:21:00.000-08:002016-11-07T17:47:00.493-08:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLtZzlhz6FklLxKnWlzzm5gzDy_uL-HOPbvgfXRrwBX6fLFyp1sdoGFobY67hLMTVpv1EWoPdHtI3IJq1p-xnj6j5qgE8gRUAB0VUI1LqbyrxBbbGbxuIjWS0A2gIuHAmssl-ZU6RgW9zD/s1600/Theo+on+the+train+at+Calico+11.13.04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLtZzlhz6FklLxKnWlzzm5gzDy_uL-HOPbvgfXRrwBX6fLFyp1sdoGFobY67hLMTVpv1EWoPdHtI3IJq1p-xnj6j5qgE8gRUAB0VUI1LqbyrxBbbGbxuIjWS0A2gIuHAmssl-ZU6RgW9zD/s320/Theo+on+the+train+at+Calico+11.13.04.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I think I became an adult during
the month of November. Fourteen years ago my son was born and exactly one week
later, my father died from complications of early onset Alzheimer’s. And there
I was: one foot in the past, the other inexorably pointed toward the future. I
mourned the death of my father mightily, but I was also immersed in the new
life of my baby boy. Life pulled me forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here in Southern California, there
isn’t much of an autumn. In November, there are still leaves on the trees in my
yard and I might as easily wear a sundress as a sweater. Despite this, there are
still signs of change. The shadows are long. Persimmons bright as jack-o-lanterns
ripen on my neighbor’s tree. Flocks of Canada geese make arrowheads in the sky.
Change is coming.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yesterday, on his fourteenth birthday,
my boy was still a boy. He kissed me on the lips before going off to the living
room to kill video aliens with his friend. I couldn’t help but think of his
tiny sneakers with the Velcro straps, of the way he always pipped up, “I do,”
instead of “yes.” I couldn’t help but think of the days when he named
everything by the sound it made. The beep-beeps and weoo-weoos are now scooters
and fire trucks and he longs for a car of his own. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Why would you want to drive?” I
ask.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“So I can go anywhere I want.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Some days this answer speaks of freedom
and other days, escape. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My boy is fourteen. Not quite a
man. Not quite a child. Over cereal this morning, he mulled the problem of
birthday money. He thought about how to spend it. Whether to save it. He weighed
the risks of buyer’s remorse against the buzz of immediate gratification. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Put it away for a while,” I
suggested. “See how you feel in a couple of days.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“But what if I do the wrong thing?”
he asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Then you’ll have more information
for next time.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
On the way to school this morning,
he was quiet. He chewed the inside of his lip and squinted his blue eyes
against the sun. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I’m worried about the election,”
he said. “I’m worried about what might happen tomorrow.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s no secret in our house that
the lead up to this year’s election has made me sad and angry and afraid, but
it’s also made me hopeful. I tried to explain that to my boy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“It’s a huge scary world,” I began.
“There are things (bad things) over which we have no control. But we do have
the power to bring good into the world.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s not my boy’s sole
responsibility to fix everything and I don’t want him to feel that kind of
pressure. But what I want him to understand, what I think he’s beginning to
grasp, is that every little thing we do throughout our day adds up. I asked him
to work hard. I encouraged him to ask questions and to be helpful and kind
whenever he could.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Move the neighbor’s trash cans up
the drive, pick up candy wrappers at school, hold a door open for someone. The
tiniest thing can make a difference.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I reminded him to take care of
himself, too. This is what I learned as a caregiver and a as a mother. It’s
what I’ve learned as an adult. I need to take care of myself so that I can
respond to others with the same amount of kindness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Don’t be so tired and stressed and
cranky that all you can do is blow your top,” I said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Care for yourself. Care for others.
Listen to people when they speak. Look up at the sky and the trees. Share what
you have. And if you feel anger, find out how you can direct that anger toward positive
change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Tomorrow’s election falls smack in
between my son’s birthday and the anniversary of my father’s death. I’m a grown
up. I’m choosing a grown up to be our president. I’m choosing the person I want
my children to emulate. She’s faced extreme adversity during this campaign and
she’s handled herself with dignity, intelligence, kindness and humor. I believe
in Hillary. I do. She’s not perfect. She doesn’t have to be. She is human. My
vote is for humanity. My vote is for the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
<o:PixelsPerInch>96</o:PixelsPerInch>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="380">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073786111 1 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
<br />
-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-2063254317033801022015-12-03T21:19:00.001-08:002015-12-03T21:32:42.786-08:00<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073786111 1 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">They are
interviewing people on the scene of a still active mass shooting in San
Bernardino, California. One man says, “My loved ones are safe.” Another man
says “I’m a person with a disability and I heard pow, pow, pow, pow.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The news anchor
says that the SWAT team is coming up with new strategies for what is becoming a
“common occurrence.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br />
There is a mass shooting on the front page of the New York Times today, but it’s
not the one that happening now, in real time, on a tiny window on my computer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Last week I went
to the movies. I saw “Carol” with a friend. It was eleven in the morning on a
weekday and the movie was an arty film about two gorgeous lesbians in the 1950s,
so I figured my chances of being killed in the theater were a little smaller
than they are when I’m at an action flick with my thirteen-year-old son on a
packed Saturday night. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The kind of
movies my son likes to see are filled with young dudes in hooded sweatshirts
and long coats. The kind of movies my son likes are so loud, it would be hard at
first to know if something was happening in life or on screen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I pay careful
attention to the exit signs when I go to these movies. I watch people and chart
escape routes. It’s amazing to note just how many people can’t sit all the way
through a two-hour movie. They get up and come back and shift in their seats. I
try to decode their nervousness. Are they antsy because it’s a bad movie or are
they anxious because they are carrying a duffel bag of ammunition? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I don’t like to
sound paranoid. I don’t consider myself a particularly nervous person. But lately,
I like to have a plan.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I saw
“Carol” at the Arclight Cinema. Before each showing, a nice usher comes to the
front of the theater and says a little bit about the film. At “Carol” the usher
was a young woman with curly, dark hair. She pointed out the exits and let us
know that she would be checking in to make sure that the sound and picture
quality were up to the standards of the theater. I have heard this speech many
times from many different ushers. But on this day, there was a new ending. The
curly haired woman said, “If you see something, say something.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If you see
something. A gun. A bag of ammo. A knee shaking with anxiety. A wisp of smoke. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Say something. I
want to say something. What is there to say?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When I say
good-bye to my husband and my kids in the morning, I try always to tell them I
love them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My loved ones
are safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">But if someone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If we didn’t see
it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If we didn’t say
it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I’m seeing
something today. I’ve been seeing it for awhile. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I want to say
something, but when I open my mouth only sounds come out. Crying sounds. Animal
sounds. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I need some
help. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I need some help
to understand what is happening. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">At “Carol” there
might have been a shooter who didn’t like lesbians. A shooter who didn’t like
art. There might have been someone who didn’t like movie theaters or ushers. Or
the smell of popcorn.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It’s getting
that random.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The newscasters
are calling the Inland Regional Center a “soft target.” The “bad guys” have
escaped in a black SUV. They might be looking for another “soft target.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">We are all soft
targets. My kids have soft arms. Soft hair. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The newscasters
are saying, “it’s just so easy to get what you need online. You can buy the
body armor; you can buy the ammo…” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">How much do we
have to see? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I just want to
say stop and stop and stop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Stop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The newscasters
are talking terrorism. They are talking ISIS and ISIL and Paris. In Paris,
there were three attacks. Will there be another attack in San Bernardino? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">There is no proven
connection to ISIS in the San Bernardino shooting. And the newscasters say
this, too, but then they go back to talking about ISIS. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“One day, a bell
will go off in the head of the bad guys,” one newsman says, “You can just go
shoot people.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“We’re flying
blind, here,” another says.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Terrorists.
Madmen. Bad Guys. Anyone. Anywhere. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">In February of
this year, I flew to Jordan. I’d planned the trip nearly a year earlier. “The
Middle East,” people said, “why do you want to go there?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Why did I want
to go there? I wanted to see Petra. I wanted to sleep under the stars in Wadi
Rum. I wanted to go there for the reasons I want to go anywhere: to meet
people, to share stories, to return home with a mind expanded and the the world
made smaller through familiarity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“Isn’t it too
dangerous?” The question came up again and again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“We have a
pattern of mass shootings here in this country that has no parallel in the
world,” says President Obama. He’s speaking to reporters just after being
briefed on the most recent mass shooting, the one happening today about an hour
east of my house in San Bernardino.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">On Feb 3, two
weeks before I was due to board a plane to Jordan, a video was released showing
the Jordanian pilot </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Moaz al-Kasasbeh being burned to
death by ISIS. The video could be brought up with ease in a window on my
computer. I didn’t look at it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Flaming images pulled me from sleep. At three in the morning
I searched the phrase “safe travel Jordan.” I scanned Twitter feeds and read
reports of Fighter Planes and sadness and quiet streets. Words spiraled out of
my tiny glowing screen: Mourning. Hopeful. Peaceful. Waiting. Watching.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The newscasters are talking about ISIS again. They are still
talking about Paris. They are comparing Paris to San Bernardino. They are always
careful to admit they don’t know anything yet. They don’t have any facts. But,
then they go back to talking about terrorists. About the possibility of another
attack. There is no known motive. We don’t yet have the whole story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“These people
are searching for some… thing,” a newscaster says. “They are seeking for some
meaning in their life. Killing as many people as possible as quickly as
possible may be that thing.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">On February 11, Craig
Stephen Hicks shot three young students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Yusor
Mohammad Abu-Salha, Razan Mohammad Abu-Salha and Deah Barakat were Muslims.
Craig Stephen Hicks was a White American. He didn’t care much for any religion.
His motive for killing three young people was believed to be a dispute over a
parking space. He took a gun and walked into their apartment and shot them in
their heads. But it wasn’t about their religion. It was about a parking space. In
articles about this incident, Mr. Hick’s wife mentions that her husband had
been on the side of gay marriage and abortion rights. But he shot three people
over a parking space. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I am seeking
meaning.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I can’t turn off
the broadcast. I’m not looking at the screen, but I can hear the voices. I type
their words because I can’t believe what they are saying. I am trying to make
sense of this, but writing it down only confuses me more. The newscasters are
talking about the variety of settings for shootings. Movie theaters, schools,
Planned Parenthood. It could just be anywhere, they conclude. All they know is
that there is “a steady spate of active shooters.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I imagine a line
of people dressed in dark clothes, carrying duffels of ammo, pulling numbers the
way you would at the deli counter. A steady spate of active shooters. An
average of one each day. That doesn’t take into account all the other
shootings. The intimate shootings of wives and children and boys and girls and
men and women. One at a time. On purpose. By accident. The guns going off like
fireworks on the fourth of July – the sound so regular, we just stop flinching.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On February 19<sup>th</sup>, I flew to Jordan in the company
of two friends and my stepmother, Carla. We carried a GPS tracker. Each day, we
sent a signal to our family to let them know where we were, to let them know we
were alive. My husband and children and my mother and brother could track our
trip on the screens of their computers. They could click on a satellite map and
pull up our location. Somehow this made everyone feel better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My son and I attend the Parent Association Meeting at his
middle school. A policeman has been invited to speak on the issue of
homelessness around the campus property. There are people living in tents on
the sidewalk. The parents would like there to be a “clean up.” One woman raises
her hand and says, “in light of what happened in San Bernardino today I’m
wondering why more can’t be done to secure the area.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We still don’t know the identity of the San Bernardino
shooters. Homeless. Terrorists. Madmen. Other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The officer assures her that it’s his experience that most
homeless people aren’t criminals. “They’re drug addicts or mentally ill,” he
says. “But they aren’t the ones breaking into houses and cars. They aren’t the
criminals.” He goes on to say that the criminals are boys, ages 16-25. “If I see
a kid in a hoodie, carrying a backpack, not in school, he’s a suspect,” the
officer says. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My son turns to me and widens his eyes. He makes a tiny
gesture to his hoodie and to the backpack at his feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">In a shop in
Jordan, I bought several small wooden figurines. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“This one is a
teacher,” the shopkeeper told me, pointing to the painted flowers on the figure’s
dress. The shopkeeper wore a black headscarf as did the tiny figure in my hand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“You are
American?” she asked. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“Yes,” I said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The shopkeeper was
an English major. She wanted to study writing in America.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“But I’m afraid,”
she said. “Is it safe?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“Our first
priority is keeping the children safe,” says our school director. “As far as I’m
concerned, that comes before their education.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My son and I
leave the meeting early. I tell him that I will explain San Bernardino when we
get in the car, but before I begin, he says to me, “You know, there are more
than two reasons to be homeless.” He says, “What about domestic abuse? Economic
issues? Bad luck?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">***</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It is the day
after the shooting in San Bernardino and I am at my desk again. Classical music
plays on the radio. There are no voices of newscasters because I am not letting
them speak to me today. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The suspects in
the shooting are dead. They were a man and a woman. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Syed
Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik. An FBI search of their apartment has turned
up hundreds of rounds of ammunition and a dozen pipe bombs. I don’t need to
tune in to know that the newscasters are talking about terrorists.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is a steady spate of active shooters. The location
changes. The movie theater, the schoolyard, the holiday party. Terrorists.
Madmen. All they have in common is the gun and the willingness to kill. One day
(every day) a bell will go off in the head of a bad guy…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In Jordan, our driver was a man named Zyad. He claimed to
know the country “like his own pocket.” When we asked him what it was like to
live in Jordan at this time in history, he described it as “living between two
fires.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fires are burning in our country, too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the media many call for gun control and just as many call
for more guns. People on Facebook “de-friend” at a rapid rate on days like
today. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Some people argue that if a person is licensed to carry a
gun and they carry that gun into our movie theaters, our schools, our playgrounds,
holiday parties and health centers then that gun will keep us safe. I respectfully
disagree.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In Jordan, everyone wanted to talk about ISIS and ISIL. “What
these people are doing is not human,” Zyad said. It is human to understand this
to be true.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 134.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The desert of Wadi Rum was silent and vast. There were no
roads in the sand, only tracks left by the tires of jeeps. The sand was fine
and reddish and marked by the feet of insects and the tails of lizards. In the last
light of day, the whole place glowed like an ember. In a tent woven of camel
hair, we feasted on chicken and rice and drank tiny cups filled with sweet,
black tea. My sweater held the scent of wood smoke. One of our guides told me
of his time in the war. The things he’d seen. Rocks used as weapons. A head
turned to bone and blood pulp. He told me that the nightmares persisted, but that
being outside in the world helped. “I like to feel very, very small,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the company of my two friends and my stepmother, Carla, I
walked past the dim lights of our camp and into the great, dark night. The big
dipper poured starlight down over us and eventually, tired of craning our
necks, we all stretched ourselves out in the sand to take in the whole of the sky.
It was possible, for a moment, to feel the weight of my body round against the
earth. I imagined I could see the curve of our planet for in that moment, it
had become small enough to fit into the curve of my spine.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is it safe in America?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For the fourteen people killed in San Bernardino, the answer
today is no.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For the rest of us, the answer is maybe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In Paris the attackers decided to strike without reason. Not
a government building. Not a military target. Just a café. A theater. The
strategy of the terrorist is to keep everyone on edge; keep everyone living in
fear. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In America mass shootings have occurred in classrooms, movie
theaters, college campuses, clinics and during holiday parties. Terror is waged
every day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A little bell goes off in the head. And the trigger is
pulled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I want to ask the gun rights activists why their need to
feel safe outweighs the safety of others?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I do not want to give in to fear. I do not want my children
to be afraid. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I see these things and I need to say something.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On my walk this morning, everyone said hello. We all made
eye contact and stopped to let the dogs touch noses. No one mentioned San
Bernardino. But we said hello because our world had become a little smaller. Or
we said hello because we were trying to make our world a little smaller. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">See something.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The sky.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A neighbor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The perked ears of a dog.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Say something.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Good morning.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hello.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Work to make it better world. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-35867760847138972172015-11-13T13:02:00.001-08:002015-11-13T13:02:06.858-08:00Thirteen years. How can it be thirteen years?<br />
<br />
The evidence is everywhere.<br />
<br />
I have a thirteen year old boy. A week into his teens pimples sprout from the end of his nose. Evidence. He smiles a tiny smile when he speaks of Taylor Swift. He talks of "you know, IT" when he means <span style="font-size: xx-small;">sex. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Evidence.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dad is gone. Thirteen years today, though I can still feel tears pushing hard against the back of my eyeballs. Not all the time, of course. But I miss him. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">My daughter says it's easier not knowing him. She says she misses him so much that if he'd actually shared space on the earth with her, it would be almost unbearable. She is still grossed out by kissing. She's still carrying her stuffed rabbit with her to bed. She is also taking selfies of her pouty face and flipping her mane of curly hair like a wild horse. She is walking along the sidewalk with long legs in cowboy boots and watching her reflection in store windows. Evidence.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">We live with ghosts. Evidence. What came before and what made us into who and what we are.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Always possible to change. Always possible to grow.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've been trying to clean out the garage, empty my closets, purge my drawers. But I get caught up in remembering. It's hard to let go of everything. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am looking out the window today, looking out into the yard, but looking farther than the back line of trees. I'm looking out the window and seeing the last thirteen years. I became a wife and a mother and a writer. I am seeing my future and my past twist together and it is a marvelous thing. All happy, all sad, all everything at once.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXh2wSEQAQUHYe5h0RlM07bWP2MAKYc86LT66tEBcYVQrt5r5cKPm4WVovXWg46v5xRo03rECWia3hQPAHywVRjPcoZORblMtcGHboQnRDbZd-srxTiyRLH23Kku864eb-4NaZIopPfYU/s1600/DSCN0192.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXh2wSEQAQUHYe5h0RlM07bWP2MAKYc86LT66tEBcYVQrt5r5cKPm4WVovXWg46v5xRo03rECWia3hQPAHywVRjPcoZORblMtcGHboQnRDbZd-srxTiyRLH23Kku864eb-4NaZIopPfYU/s320/DSCN0192.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am missing Dad. I am loving my children. I am grateful for my family. I am in love with my husband. It's chilly in my house and my hands are cold, but the sun is high and bright in the sky and just along the driveway, a line of red roses bloom. </span> </span>Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-56602930144201877622015-10-01T18:05:00.001-07:002015-10-01T18:27:15.498-07:00I'm having a hard time looking at the world today.<br />
<br />
So much violence and sorrow.<br />
<br />
I put down the newspaper and walked away from my screens. I went into the garden with paper and paints and pencils. I looked closely. I saw the lettuce, the rabbit statue, the basil and one tiny white flower. Yes, those are Nerf bullets, but they could be beetle bathtubs or tables for a fairy banquet.<br />
<br />
I sat and drew one small beautiful place and while I sat, the light faded and I had to color the sunshine from memory.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmvpH117Rt5AmxcbPYJPqcnFb8NuSugv0hsGKrcgs_f0Ny4yw1qxw024znOHGizVO8vgCL5I5AogXFeTtw0qzeeP_CrFxHYpptgj_4U_GPKa4xO1XfUzd6c8sQgJCAPndp1UE8M6d3S_9o/s1600/IMG_1953.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmvpH117Rt5AmxcbPYJPqcnFb8NuSugv0hsGKrcgs_f0Ny4yw1qxw024znOHGizVO8vgCL5I5AogXFeTtw0qzeeP_CrFxHYpptgj_4U_GPKa4xO1XfUzd6c8sQgJCAPndp1UE8M6d3S_9o/s320/IMG_1953.jpg" width="254" /></a></div>
<br />Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-46787986218486218722015-09-27T07:31:00.000-07:002015-09-27T07:33:53.030-07:00<br />
Woke up with a mosquito, two dogs and a moth. So much nature rattling around in my house. We all went outside and found the moon still up, the sun painting the bottom of the sky and the whistle-screech of a hawk echoing through my quiet neighborhood.<br />
<br />
It was a lucky moment. The exact moment before the quiet of the night gives over to the buzz of the day. We live near the 5 Freeway and although we don't always notice the dull roar of traffic, it's hard not to notice it when it breaks the silence. I have this image of cars lined up to the south and to the north of my house. In each car, the drivers yawn and stretch before starting their engines.<br />
<br />
On your mark, get set, go.<br />
<br />
The car engines rev, the refrigerator starts to buzz, the cable box makes its muffled clunk and whir and the hawk flies higher and higher to escape it all.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, my mom sent me a picture of a snake. She'd found the snake caught in a pile of things and had spent some time working to set it free. She felt guilty for the leaving the things that caught the snake.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb3TbKzxJr-XaN6Dh9qJ9abPvfcFCKehBIgXbOzSxciFTy6IOU-ixfGx_g4rYCLZIq0ZjjbXp0ihaBXl4xl7-H57Coz9WJjNSRWvnC-IEz4V5LRMOzk085L8NSdkowrBsIxh0xm-T0mQ4T/s1600/IMG_0907.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb3TbKzxJr-XaN6Dh9qJ9abPvfcFCKehBIgXbOzSxciFTy6IOU-ixfGx_g4rYCLZIq0ZjjbXp0ihaBXl4xl7-H57Coz9WJjNSRWvnC-IEz4V5LRMOzk085L8NSdkowrBsIxh0xm-T0mQ4T/s320/IMG_0907.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioJF8jyKxwZuIurCJvl4qTkgEpykyiUxo5MFH7iexeWP3KbUfh5r0LOCo57IqLlD7eqEV9ASg10wsMRIRzBAopqFcAQf0cs1BK3_saGQojl0FaB18tB7IAouJvO-ZLRfGWpw90-3ER9LCU/s1600/IMG_0909.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioJF8jyKxwZuIurCJvl4qTkgEpykyiUxo5MFH7iexeWP3KbUfh5r0LOCo57IqLlD7eqEV9ASg10wsMRIRzBAopqFcAQf0cs1BK3_saGQojl0FaB18tB7IAouJvO-ZLRfGWpw90-3ER9LCU/s320/IMG_0909.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I feel guilty for driving my car and for running my refrigerator. I don't water my lawn because I feel guilty for wasting water and then I do water it because I feel guilty for killing my plants.<br />
<br />
Saving and setting free is a constant business.<br />
<br />
The mosquito lives despite my attempts at destruction.<br />
The moth has folded its wings for the day and the dogs have gone back to sleep.<br />
<br />
I hear the rattle and thump of kid feet upstairs. Traffic outside the house and inside, too.<br />
<br />
A helicopter has taken the place of the hawk. <br />
<br />
As I make my way through a world filled with traffic, dogs, bugs and kids, I will try to remember that peaceful space between silence and sound. I will let that memory float me through the day.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BXo45khIiNuuxSmOwk9VWdj9Yz5vmrHN5QmpT8JxnR971gHNh60uOdS500GEfN3Yh6-3w0_C-F_U7a5KfqL2W9G_nJYMGl0PH7tbkpfOLFKQpCMp1NFJACa1LD80LJXLBwNYqsuyYRDN/s1600/IMG_1905.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BXo45khIiNuuxSmOwk9VWdj9Yz5vmrHN5QmpT8JxnR971gHNh60uOdS500GEfN3Yh6-3w0_C-F_U7a5KfqL2W9G_nJYMGl0PH7tbkpfOLFKQpCMp1NFJACa1LD80LJXLBwNYqsuyYRDN/s320/IMG_1905.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-50698019469218514442015-09-25T11:35:00.001-07:002015-09-25T14:11:41.253-07:00Gathering around a table.<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:1;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073786111 1 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:1;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073786111 1 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">This
morning, this message arrived in my email inbox:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #bdd7ee; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #BDD7EE; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=40000 lumo=60000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themetint: 102;">I have hired Plycon Transportation Group to help me
pick up and deliver the subject table. I noticed you are a published author and
wonder if I can send you a check and have an autographed copy of your book
"Leaving Tinkertown" . My grandmother who raised me when I was young
suffered from Alzheimer and I could relate to your story. Besides, it’ll be
nice that when my family comes to visit and sit at the table you sold me I can
show them your book and tell them a little bit of history about the table they
are sitting at.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">What
a small and wonderful world it is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">Here
is the thing: this table has been sitting in my garage for months. It’s a nice
table, one with what my interior designer friend calls “provenance,” but it’s
too small for our family and our dining room. I’d researched what it was “worth,”
but no one offered to pay that much and so it has stayed with us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">Yesterday
morning, while on my morning dog walk, I happened to run into a friend. She was
also walking her small dogs and while the small dogs sniffed each other and
barked ferociously at larger dogs, we got to talking about all the concerns of
middle age: insomnia, stifled creativity, clutter…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">“I
have these two chairs sitting in my painting studio…” she began. “They are
worth a lot…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">“But
no one is paying that much.” I finished.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">“Someone
offered half what I’m asking,” she said. “I should have taken it, right?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">What
is more valuable: space or objects? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">If
she had more space, my friend could spread out her paints. She could work on a
larger canvas and not worry about smudging the “valuable” chairs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">I
told her about my table. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">“I’m
going to let it go,” I said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">When
I got home from my walk, there was an email from the site where I had listed
the table. Someone had made an offer. It was twenty-five percent lower than my
already discounted asking price, but it was an offer. I countered with a 20%
discount because although I am trying to purge, I am also working on creating firm
boundaries. The buyer accepted my offer in a matter of minutes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">It
was nice to feel like the universe was giving me an answer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">That
would have been enough.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">And then today, this email. A connection. The idea of a family coming together around my
table. Our table. Sharing stories. Our stories.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e7e6e6; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: background2;">What
a small and wonderful world it is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinLfaMHVVsvaDechg0kBLI-z5Zk7W7kAH3AOicszMuBX1lLa-QFRnduVtLQ7NOZEyGCrlMys0ym8S4mCmBw6Jv1v4P5-2zSIezkRuc96zqD9iE1Qm8t3PLqkJLaGwxzNLbhiTmfiWi0fPE/s1600/IMG_1875+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinLfaMHVVsvaDechg0kBLI-z5Zk7W7kAH3AOicszMuBX1lLa-QFRnduVtLQ7NOZEyGCrlMys0ym8S4mCmBw6Jv1v4P5-2zSIezkRuc96zqD9iE1Qm8t3PLqkJLaGwxzNLbhiTmfiWi0fPE/s320/IMG_1875+%25281%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-92069950519126287452015-08-12T21:01:00.000-07:002015-08-12T21:01:17.229-07:00"What do you do to be present?"<br />
<br />
This is the question a friend asked today.<br />
<br />
I felt a little angry when she asked and she might have noticed a change in my face because she quickly added, "I'm asking myself this question, too. And I don't know if I have an answer."<br />
<br />
I told her how I'd been walking the dogs. We have an older dog and a young dog. The older dog likes to spend a lot of time smelling things. She wanders, nose to ground, inhaling the world. She thinks about peeing. She decides it might be better to pee a little further down the way. She takes a few steps and she ponders whether this might be the spot, decides "no" and moves on. The little dog rushes forward. He pees on everything, walking on three legs, holding the third aloft to let the stream fly. He's all about moving on.<br />
<br />
The older dog is on one wrist and the young dog on the other and I, stand on the parkway arms stretched out like a scarecrow. This can be frustrating. <br />
<br />
A few mornings ago, I was standing there, arms pulling out of their sockets, being pulled forward and back and making no movement at all, and I felt really angry. I was impatient to get on with my walk and, after that, the big list of things I had to do that day (order khaki school uniform shorts, return the last batch of khaki school uniform shorts, buy toilet paper, find the little plastic back to the television remote, clean out the fridge. I had a novel chapter to write and that scrapbook from 2013 to finish... there is always something.)<br />
<br />
In the middle of my impatience, I noticed this pink cloud. It was small and the color of abalone shell. Beautiful. I noticed a batch of the tiniest mushrooms sprouting out of the lawn in front of a grey stone house. I noticed the way the Magnolia roots look like the knees of elephants lifting out of the ground. I realized I hadn't been looking at the world. This whole, lovely summer of heat and strange humid air has passed in a blur. I've been like the young dog, running on three legs, barely attending to my own needs before I zip ahead to the next destination.<br />
<br />
I made a plan then: let the older dog lead the way. As soon as I made the plan, my irritation evaporated. She snuffled around in the grass and I stared at the sky, the leaves, the flowering trees. Flocks of parakeets squawked overhead and a radio played classical music in a kitchen above the street.<br />
<br />
This is what I'm doing to be present. When pulled between two forces (I've got two dogs and two kids, so there's plenty of options,) I'm going to try to go with the slower one. Let's take our time, see a thing or two along the way.<br />
<br />
I cooked dinner tonight. I looked to my old friend Yotam Ottolenghi for an answer to the cauliflower in my veggie drawer. I chopped some beautiful tomatoes, scooped sunshine that is turmeric from the jar and made a meal for my family. It was bright and quiet in the kitchen and I took my time. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0vnAhH_C8cx57yZgwMNLf1gh5taRWwH2c1GgZ36TLsHWSY1IzU5LNV6wyDeXG93EZzXlcZE62aV4DdrXtXHkg6LbBGLlbRMvkHWgezdz6xRNHoLEu82XDVmvMCF3l6u0J2x3eirq4xxV1/s1600/IMG_1572.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0vnAhH_C8cx57yZgwMNLf1gh5taRWwH2c1GgZ36TLsHWSY1IzU5LNV6wyDeXG93EZzXlcZE62aV4DdrXtXHkg6LbBGLlbRMvkHWgezdz6xRNHoLEu82XDVmvMCF3l6u0J2x3eirq4xxV1/s320/IMG_1572.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9mhET80DgpTrU_lnjmYMWKxOnhxin_jZRZNUHN9yIWGaeGRxPkwQNIRr0PepYIITmzMcWr4g6craB7fxwrXKmiFqU9v8MZu88o9VN0qFbBdu22GY2thygl98je1maBCMniiK7BGRleEdQ/s1600/IMG_1571.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9mhET80DgpTrU_lnjmYMWKxOnhxin_jZRZNUHN9yIWGaeGRxPkwQNIRr0PepYIITmzMcWr4g6craB7fxwrXKmiFqU9v8MZu88o9VN0qFbBdu22GY2thygl98je1maBCMniiK7BGRleEdQ/s320/IMG_1571.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Vv29F9lCxPMTsqi4lnhMXLRSM419mlka5uEvwz35d939bAL7CDUwxIwXvEi_-yQDS7dFv_hUDF0s2Hy7iYGS6aaJ7sHtkiZi66tNUOKX_o6A6LwCWd6jmHRWg1y-lyC_XCSxIc7efvP6/s1600/IMG_1574.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Vv29F9lCxPMTsqi4lnhMXLRSM419mlka5uEvwz35d939bAL7CDUwxIwXvEi_-yQDS7dFv_hUDF0s2Hy7iYGS6aaJ7sHtkiZi66tNUOKX_o6A6LwCWd6jmHRWg1y-lyC_XCSxIc7efvP6/s320/IMG_1574.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-21345637665727594772013-04-19T11:58:00.001-07:002013-04-19T11:58:01.868-07:00The book is coming!It's been ages since I've written here (or anywhere for that matter) and strangely, the reason for that is that I wrote a book. Once you've written a book, it seems that all writing stops while you figure out how in the heck to get folks to read that book. To that end, I've been making lists and calling friends and generally asking a lot of questions and forcing myself to emerge from the cozy, little hermit house where I feel most comfortable. <br />
<br />
Yes, it's scary. <br />
<br />
But it's worth it.<br />
<br />
I love my book. I worked my head off to get my book to look and feel like a book. A lot of kind, smart, generous people helped in this process and I owe it to them and to me and to my book to get it out there. <br />
<br />
To that end, I ask that if you're visiting this page, why not FOLLOW it?<br />
And if you already follow it, encourage your pals to follow it too.<br />
<br />
You can click on this link to get a gander at the fancy book cover and read some of the nice things people have already said about "<a href="http://www.unmpress.com/books.php?ID=20000000005443&Page=book">Leaving Tinkertown</a>."<br />
<br />
Thank you. I say this a lot. And I will continue to say it. Thank you.Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-91453407044196108182012-12-09T11:25:00.001-08:002012-12-09T11:29:21.386-08:00So Long, Big DogI remember the day my brother brought the little dog home.<br />
<br />
"Here," he said, "Look what we got."<br />
<br />
He lowered a squirming, velvety black puppy into my sister-in-law's arms. <br />
<br />
"What did you do?" she asked. But she was smiling. <br />
<br />
It is hard not to smile in the face of my brother's delight. He is, like our father was, prone to extreme exuberance. As I am. <br />
<br />
"It's always a surprise being married to a Ward," my sister-in-law said once. <br />
"You can say that again," agreed my husband.<br />
<br />
We are exuberant and excitable. Our emotions run high and hot and wet. I say this for my own self, because I don't like to speak for my brother: I sometimes don't think things all the way through. I love a good surprise. I love to get a reaction, but on occasion I dismiss the long term effects of this need. <br />
<br />
My father sometimes traded work for old wagon wheels or a batch of antique ice tongs. He'd drive up to our house with a pile of deer antlers tied to the roof of his truck and step out grinning.<br />
<br />
"Check that," he'd say. <br />
<br />
My mother might have wondered where the grocery money was going to come from, but she couldn't deny the simple fact of his pleasure. <br />
<br />
My brother's little black puppy grew into a big, black lab. Edgar, in true Ward fashion, found the wonder in his world. He chased flashlight "fairies" and soap bubbles and wanted little more than a good belly rub and fine friends.<br />
<br />
He will be missed, this big dog. But he is in good company.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-37953777025116268982012-11-13T16:39:00.000-08:002012-11-13T16:39:47.294-08:00Help From the AfterlifeMy mom wrote today to say she'd seen a coyote drinking from her pond. <br />
"The trickster," she called him and found some meaning in his presence. To her, he is my father -- gone but still returning on this day to say a little hello. Dad had a kind of sly smile, a wave that said he was coming and going at the same time, so maybe a coyote is the right kind of body for him to wear on his return. At least it is for my mother. I think she saw a coyote on this day last year and for at least a handful of the other years between now and when my dad was still on this earth. Over a decade in New Mexico, coyotes are always possible. On any day.<br />
<br />
My stepmother often sees a hawk. These big birds circle over her on this day, though my father was afraid of birds. He might choose to return in this guise, might want to take weightless flight for a spin. A hawk is what my stepmother sees.<br />
<br />
Once we found a beer bottle where there shouldn't have been a beer bottle. More than once, we heard circus music like a distant parade. On this day in the last ten years, we have lifted glasses in toasts and eaten green chile cheeseburgers. We have driven to the desert. We do these things to find him, to miss him, to be near what he liked.<br />
<br />
Today I saw a butterfly, a hummingbird, I saw the curve in my own thumb when I rested my hand on the steering wheel. I saw the way the hair grows at the base of my son's neck, the way my daughter can't help but pick up a bottle cap, a rock, a cardboard box.<br />
<br />
Our dryer rattles with stones fallen from pockets. These stones are weighted with memory for me, with possibility for my children.<br />
<br />
Today our family is out in the world, looking up at blue skies and hawks, greeting coyotes with a smile. We are eating and drinking and breathing with gratitude for our shared time. <br />
<br />
"Give it a little juice," he used to say. "That's the stuff."<br />
<br />
And we are.<br />
<br />
The help from the afterlife is the way we remember and connect and continue to travel through this world.<br />
<br />
The help from the afterlife is the nudge that urges us to look up and out and within. We try new things and try to be a little more and a little less like ourselves. Coyote, hawk, butterfly, hummingbird, blue sky, beer drinker -- all of us carrying on.<br />
<br />
<br />Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-6380635952904660442011-09-16T09:31:00.000-07:002011-09-16T09:36:44.574-07:00<style>
@font-face {
font-family: "MS 明朝";
}@font-face {
font-family: "MS 明朝";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 16pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }.MsoChpDefault { font-size: 10pt; }div.WordSection1 { page: WordSection1; }
</style> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiq9ztiF3BFZgBKKud2TNDEjqCeDgbpvpxOwlpQKn17qRHKc_kEe56dqw0eDpRb-Hw3ufDShyphenhyphen-gi8YAyIIo0LY1luUKlXAREAxLuc5bHmHHGBbhMZ8IUYxhPMJgoYGAt3hxCpmUJTk1kS/s1600/ross%253Aradar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiq9ztiF3BFZgBKKud2TNDEjqCeDgbpvpxOwlpQKn17qRHKc_kEe56dqw0eDpRb-Hw3ufDShyphenhyphen-gi8YAyIIo0LY1luUKlXAREAxLuc5bHmHHGBbhMZ8IUYxhPMJgoYGAt3hxCpmUJTk1kS/s320/ross%253Aradar.jpg" width="215" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Radar Ward, a Chihuahua whippet mix of unknown origin passed away on September 15, 2011. Born in 1996 in the wilds of Albuquerque’s North Valley, he spent his formative years wandering solo until a potent combination of fate, luck and horse sense brought him to the Ward family. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">The small white dog, dubbed “Radar” in tribute to his outsize ears became the immediate friend and muse to artist Ross Ward. The inseparable buddies spent many happy hours sun bathing, catnapping and perfecting the mid-air tennis ball catch. Proclaimed “best dog in the world,” Radar became the subject of a series of late career paintings by the artist where he was depicted as a bright spirit of hope and once as The Pope, himself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Radar’s dedication to the creative genius only deepened as Ward battled Alzheimer’s disease. Whether sharing a table, a bed or a particularly warm patch of sun, Radar rarely left Ross’ side and seemed to share a freeflowing path of communication with the artist long after words had been lost.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">With a bouncing step and a jingling collar, Radar brought great joy and comfort to Ward and the many other residents of the Manor Care Alzheimer’s wing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">After Ward’s death in 2002, Radar continued to live with Carla Ward in Sandia Park, as Mayor of Tinkertown Museum. After a full season of meeting and greeting visitors from all over the country, Radar spent winters relaxing in Phoenix, Arizona. Vacationing in the shadow of Camelback Mountain, Radar developed a taste for organic chicken and long hikes in the desert.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">During his tenure as Tinkertown Mayor, Radar was the inspiration and star of the picture book "Emily Finds a Dog," written by Carla Ward and illustrated by Megan Ward. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Radar is survived by feline friends Franny and Zooey, devoted humans Carla Ward and Eric Rasmussen and legions of loving fans. This best dog will be greatly missed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6100545673907317307.post-50175344494016807842011-06-19T19:51:00.000-07:002011-06-19T19:53:43.254-07:00Happy father's day. Found myself telling lots of stories today. Wondering if my son was old enough to whittle. What my dad used to call "parking lot pine" is good whittling wood and the name made my son say, "what the ( mouthed hell) is that?" He giggled hysterically over the silent swear word and my non-reaction to it. I'm hard to shock and part of that is thanks to my Dad and that makes me a good Mom and for that (and a million other reasons) I am grateful to my Pop. I miss him still. <br />
<br />
My own husband, the father we celebrated today, is a good man in more than name. He deserves a day all to himself. All parents do. More than one.Tanya Ward Goodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00300248865463708695noreply@blogger.com0